Brutally Compassionate!

Growing up on a farm in Northwestern Wisconsin might seem like a mundane way to experience childhood. There were of course times that were quite mundane, yet others were filled with adventure. As a boy, there are few things that you remember as well as your first fort, your first b.b. gun, the first time you kissed a girl, and actually liked it, the first time you got lost, the time when your parents kissed or swore in front of you, or the first fist fight.

One of my most vivid memories of childhood was the first time I was hit full in the face. My foe had worked out the very mechanics of hitting me: the need for bodily compactness, the proper fist, the assured step forward, the intent in his eyes, the virtue of a solid right. I remember thinking about it coming and an inability to move. I literally was captivated by its trajectory. I remember vividly the sound. If you’ve never been struck in the face your better off for it, but if you can identify, you will recollect the high pitch ringing. This ringing is so invasively present that you want to look to see if anyone else can hear it; of course they cannot. The ringing contributes to your overall sense of delirium. This feeling of floating, then the actual pain hits you and your little break in the day comes crashing down. One becomes keenly aware of the moments that follow.

What I remember of the instance was this sense that I had just achieved something. You know, it was as if I had entered into the realm of manhood. The place reserved for warriors, rakes, and cowboys. As I stood there stunned, because it takes a great deal to knock someone down. I was filled with this urgency to compose myself, and try not to cry. I didn’t. I remember taking three deep intentional breaths; the kind of breath that actually burns it goes so deep. The desire to cry was quickly replaced by a sense of rugged resilience.

A mature youngster would have thoroughly analyzed the situation and quickly discovered some very realistic problems with returning the aggression. I however was not this youngster. Not entirely sure where this impulse originated, I engaged the brute, mostly words at first. Words, vulgar words. You know the kind that you would never say in front of your grandmother. Words, which would strip him of value, dignity, or any sense of pride for his action against me. This was followed by the wind of a left coming at my chin. A near miss that was countered with a direct hit in the right eye of Goliath.

You know you would think that this would give a young guy defending himself against an infidel, a real sense of pleasure. I wanted to feel like I had just saved the day, or that I had at least asserted my will upon the mountain. Perhaps, the mountain had been conquered. However I still felt like I was in the valley. I wasn’t filled with pride, the way a champion should. Instead, I filled with pity, sadness, even a genuine remorse for my adversary.

I must have gotten hit harder than I thought, because I began to be concerned with the details of this kids life. I wondered why this idea to strike me was acceptable to him? I had wondered how many times he experienced this himself? I wondered who taught him to throw a strong right? Did his father strike him? Did he have a father?

As the encounter broke up, and the swelling in my left jaw was met with the swelling of empathy, I found myself broken in an altogether different way. Filled with the weight of my unethical encounter, I saw for the first time how incapable I was of really loving. Not that I was at all enamored with this kid, but the general idea of love for fellow man, had escaped me. In the days following, I became more aware of the damage my words may have caused an already abused kid. I even felt like slugging myself. Interesting how something as simple as turning the other cheek can call out another’s greatness, diminishing violence.

Knowing the Character of God in Turmoil

So, yesterday I sat down to go through my various social networking devices. You know... Hotmail, Facebook, Twitter etc. And inevitably, I came across some rather scathing judgment toward the country of Haiti. A country that is supposed to have, at some point in their history, dedicated the nation to satan. Now, I don't know where to start... But I will say that Christians are famous for quoting scriptures and citing "original sin" as the reason that Haiti, or New Orleans, or India, or China or... or... or... are experiencing the "wrath" of God!

I don't believe that God will cause mass destruction and for hundreds of thousands of lives to be lost, no more than I believe that He will ever flood the earth again! By the way, God said that he wouldn't again flood the earth! I wonder if this also includes other forms of natural disasters such as the one experienced in Haiti. I, for one, believe that this includes other natural disasters. I "love" how, whenever something bad happens, we call it "an act of God," but we never say this when we stand in amazement at the creative power of other potentially catastrophic events. The difference is people. We have inhabited so many violently creative places on the planet that it is insane to blame God, for our inability to act upon what we currently know.

I wonder at people's sheer ability to disconnect, because of the sickening luxury that we enjoy daily. I wonder how one can blame God for so much! I wonder what a "real" Jesus movement would look like in Haiti. Can you imagine Jesus walking around the thousands of dead as they lay on the streets, shaking his head as if they deserved it? I wonder if Jesus would sit comfortably behind his laptop, as I do now, making idle commentary on the plight of others thousands of miles away. I wonder how to measure Godlessness. If Godlessness, and "original sin" is the standard, what does this say about the restoration that Jesus came to earth for.

As I read several of the brutally hateful comments, it reminded me of some that I have read or heard directly from Nazi skinheads, Klan affiliates, White supremacists or other fundamental groups. I guess I must be a bit crazy to think that a Jewish Jesus, living in an environment that was, to say the least, risky, had a few challenges that may have made it difficult to love. But how did Jesus conquer every form of hateful, violent act against him? He "loved the world". I know, I know. Your thinking, He loved the world but not the sin. Right! But remember, if sin is the measure then Jesus is totally insignificant to forgive it! If Jesus is part of the triune expression of God, and God "is" love, and "love covers a multitude of sin" don't you think that this would include even original sin? I don't believe that God sees us, any of us, apart from the potential redemptive lens of Jesus. I believe that he indeed sees every one of us as created sons and daughters that are truly the image of God. Even the Godless! Does this mean that everyone inherits salvation? No. For this we are told, and I believe that we must "seek" Jesus. I wonder did everyone who Jesus healed, already believe in him? Did Jesus send out a pamphlet that read: I will be walking amongst you for the next few years and if you desire to be healed, please fill out this form ensuring that you have asked me to come live in your heart, and that indeed I am Lord. NO! He simply saw the image of God in people and responded to God! "I can only do what I see the father doing" Does this mean that God would heal those who do not yet believe in him? Absolutely!

Here is our commission to Haiti: Love!!! To love is the most relevant act that we have! It is no wonder that we aren't relevant, when we represent a God of love, with hate. It saddens me to see how the most relevant lover of humans, has been represented by people singing songs like, "they will know we are Christians by our love"... I would love for us to stop singing about love and actually be love. The word of God says, in order to combat evil, we must insert good!

I formally want to apologize, and take responsibility for any and all harsh or even hateful words, or acts being committed in the name of Jesus. I repent for my contribution to the problem and pray that a new breed of loving worshippers arise and redeem the lost cities! For Jesus sake!

Finally, I need to apologize for this very atypical rant, as I prefer to bring more contemplative concepts before you. If you find yourself offended, well I don't apologize for that, as that is out of my control. If you find yourself in agreement, lucky me! If you find yourself offended and provoked to change, congratulations... I love your willingness to accept challenge. I love you! I thank God for you! Even if you don't agree with me.

A Silent Revolution!

I am currently enrolled in a liberal arts college for art education. You could say that the arts are rather liberal here, and often very difficult to handle. That being said, I know that I am here for a reason and that I have been placed in an envelope of time to be the most influential that I can be. This influence has caused me to take a very indirect approach to sharing my faith with the student body. I have had to literally reinvent the way to approach people who are anti-Christ by their own admission,or people who claim other gods all together. This environment has given me an ability to gauge the way I speak, act, and even love the fellow students around me.

The biggest issue that many of my friends who do not yet know Christ site as their biggest irritation with Christians are that we are not forgiving, honest, different, and most of all relevant. The idea of relevancy is something that I have been truly investigating in regards to my heart as an artist. Lately I have been communicating with my art and not as much with my words. The idea that we maintain credibility with our quality of work and passion for it still holds water among those who don't care about our Christian merit badge. Unfortunately this merit badge receives about the same amount of attention in the setting in which I have the privilege of being a part.

Inspired by Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz, I recently began a conceptual art sculpture piece titled "Confession." This piece was intended to be interactive with those who viewed it. For this work I had the student read a series of real life confessions that were gathered from my church family. Some of the confessions that were directed at the students themselves were incorporated into the piece as the interactive element. As the viewers were asked to read the confessions from the church, many of them were moved by the overwhelming self awareness of our judgmentalism, homophobia, lack of love, lack of truth, lack of a model that some of the students were moved to tears. Similarly as the 45 or so minutes passed for the presentation of the piece, it was followed by a completely spontaneous moment of silence for the classroom to process the event.

This moment made me keenly aware of our role as the church to consistently take a posture and indeed live a culture of forgiveness, honestly, humility, and holistic righteousness that is more than skin deep. We need to go soul deep in order to remain relevant. When we really love the world we rarely need our words. In fact if we resist the temptation to tell people about our savior and show them his miraculous intention among men, we will be the most relevant people on the planet.

I have included a short video clip and some photos of my latest project "Confession" as a sample of how I am trying to influence a generation through creativity inspired by a Creator. Pray for me, pray for those I encounter, better yet pray for yourself, and those you encounter...Those who seek an encounter with you because, well, you simply make them feel better. Lastly I want to encourage you to make those around you feel important, comforted, empowered, loved, and when you fail, and you will fail, Get up and ask for forgiveness. Live shamelessly!

Doing Church or Being Church

So the other day I found myself awake and beginning the process that I have followed for several years. Today however I was charged with a bit more excitement, enthusiasm, and life than usual as I prepared for another wonderful church service. Having a history of involvement in church for many years this has not always been the case. All too often church was the very last place I wanted to be, as it was the place that I watched my family suffer at the hands of well meaning church folk. Today it is my pleasure to be part of something of depth, substance and supernatural healing!

Knowing where I have come from may help to provide a bit of insight to my experience of a sunday morning not long ago. As many people do on a sunday morning, my wife and two beautiful daughters rushed out the door and into our SUV where we would rush to make it to church to fullfill our church responsibilities. Responsibilities that we love and are greatful to have. The challenge comes because of a man walking with a cane. It wasn't actually the man that was the problem rather the fact that I saw him walking with his cane barely able to keep standing as he walked from his mailbox to his home. As we raced past this man I was stuck by a deep conviction and sense of responsibility to this mans anguish. For days after I wrestled with myself and with God as to what I was feeling. I have conceded that sometimes our desire to go to church has kept us from actually being the church. Please understand that I am not a fan of "Home Church" as I believe this is a recipe out of spiritual authority and covering. However I do wonder if our efforts at church are sometimes less than Christ's original model of the church.

When church is not really measured by the building but the quality of life established among people, you know that you are part of a movement and not just an organization. It is my great desire to see men and women drawn into a movement that is the expression of Jesus Christ at work among mere mortals.

Impacting culture

Today while sitting in a university history class, I was randomly asked by the professor, "Are you afraid of the economic collapse, the environmental problems or your personal future?" I shocked myself with my candid response, given amongst 100 or so of my peers. Speaking clearly and assertively as I said, "When your life is composed of a series of undeniable miracles, things like economy, environment and even your future fade somewhere into the distance." I went on to talk about the real fears of my life, that consist of the thought of not seeing my beautiful daughters grow up to have children of their own, or not getting to grow old with my wife, or not having a great impact on the lives that are around me. I completed by saying the fear of all the other is really temporal and not something that guides who I am. I don't mean to sound cliché or arrogant, but this is honestly just what came rushing to the surface.

I didn't even actually address my real greatest fear, which is, that I am afraid of what my life would look like if I lived every day the way that God sees me living. Living boldly, without fear, as if every prayer is answered, as if every sick person is whole. This person the one that God says I am, terrifies me. Why? Because if I can be totally transparent, it is way bigger than my biggest goals, It means that nothing in my life would look the way it does right now, even though I think I live quite well. If all of us were to be honest, songs that we sing about "all I am is yours" would terrify us. We know that if God were totally given permission to own us we would live a life filled with risk.

As I walked from my classroom, The question still ringing in my mind, I realized why so many young people entering college find themselves dealing with depression, drinking, sexual experimentation and a great deal more. I understand why students would make these types of choices, given the standard that their aspirations, dreams and futures are nothing more than pipe dreams. I so clearly see why God has placed me where he has, and I pray that I will continue to be granted influence among such bright, and powerful people. If we lead people into encounters with God their faith will become realized, and their soul will hunger.